typical hk day

i had some random lady try to sell me a flat. she added that it was only $7000HKD/square foot. yeah sure, i can afford about 1.5 square foot of that house.

also i had drunken pigeon for din. i don’t know what that means but it was taaaaaaaasty.

and remnants of the bird:

Time well wasted

Today I spent a third of my day waiting. My mom told me to get my China visa done today or else I wouldn’t receive it on time before our trip to Hainan. So I went.

First I had to take some passport-sized photos first. I deliberately went to one of those subway photobooths because they’re quick and convenient. The machine even had a huge “Ready in 18 seconds” sign on it, so I knew it was trustworthy. Little did I know that this photo session was actually going to take about 30 minutes. The machine for some reason wouldn’t accept my bills so I went to get change. After I got exact change for the photos, I realized that one of the $10 coins was actually Thai money (they actually look identical). I felt kinda bad going to the same guy at the customer service booth for change so I went to Maxim’s Bakery instead and bought 3 lamingtons. When I finally got the change I needed and returned to the photobooth, there were 4 freaking people in line. No idea where they came from but that was just a tad annoying. Anyway, I waited patiently until it was my turn. Took my photos. Done.

Next, I was told to go to some travel agency and have them process my document for me. So I did. I went and waited in line for a good 15 minutes until a rep could help me out. When it was finally my turn, the lady told me they didn’t do that particular type of visa at this location and I was turned away. I left empty-handed and decided to go to the official Chinese visa location instead.

I got to the main visa office only to find out that they were closed for lunch. I joined the MASSIVE line outside the building and waited for about an hour until we were slowly let inside. By now it’s 2pm and all I’ve had to eat is a bowl of freaking fruit loops and a cappucino. At this point, I’m absolutely famished and increasingly annoyed by the second. When I get into the building, the waiting area is completely packed. I’m given a numbered ticket and on the bottom in tiny letters it tells me that ‘there have 114 persons.’ In other words, wait time = forever. After about 1.5 hours of waiting in that room, I can literally feel my stomach acid gurgling. The most painful part was that I had three delcious lamingtons in my bag. But due to some silly ‘No Eating’ policy, I had to sit there miserably and dwell on my hungry state.

About 2 hours into waiting, I suddenly have to pee. I realize that there are only 20 more numbers to go before mine, so I make a dash to the bathroom. With my effing luck, the women’s bathroom was being cleaned at that exact moment. The cleaning lady told us to wait for the handicapped stall instead. A bunch of us formed a line in front of the stall. I stood in line for about 5 minutes or so and decided to screw it because I might miss my turn. After waiting for what felt like an eternity, I was NOT going to miss my number being called. I held my pee and went back to the waiting room.

Finally, my number got called after a grand total of 3 hours. It was unbelievable!!!!!! I was soooo happy and got out of there as quick as I could once I was done. When I got into the lobby though, there was some kind of commotion going on. Turns out that so many people showed up at the visa office today that they ran out of numbered tickets before they were scheduled to close. This couple was trying to beg the officer to let them in and the lady was on the verge of tears. The gate was half closed and people were still trying to squeeze through from underneath. Some other guy in the back was snapping pics of the officer with his Iphone and another officer took out his baton and tried to chase him off and yelled at him for taking pics. It was so intense!!!! And there I was in the background, just standing around and waiting for them to let me out. I eventually managed to squeeze through the angry crowd with the help of the officer and went to find food.

Best part of this story: I came home and told my sister about my day and she told me that normally travel agencies will issue visas for you because she’s done it before. Turns out that I asked to apply for the WRONG visa when I was speaking to the travel rep.

UNNNNGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY LIFE!!!!!!!!

thai massage

while massages are supposed to be relaxing, the first one i had in thailand was plain hilarious. for some reason my masseuse spent a whole hour on my feet. normally i’m okay with foot massages but this time my feet were SO SO ticklish. i don’t even know why but i just couldn’t stop laughing everytime she went near them. each time i laughed, she would laugh. and then my sister would laugh and so would her masseuse. this happened at least 5 times because my masseuse was so determined to complete my foot massage.

after she was done with my feet, she massaged the rest of my body including my chest. this was equally hilarious because i have the maturity of a child. so while she was doing this, i start giggling because i have trouble containing myself. she laughed as well but probably thought i was a big weirdo. then she goes and massages my stomach. the minute she presses on my bladder, i feel the greatest urge to pee!!! i literally thought i was going to pee in my pants…or paper underwear in this case (it’s mandatory to change into these at spas). for the rest of the session, i use all my energy to strengthen my bladder but all i can think about is how badly i want to pee.

finally she tells me to sit up and she pulls some surprise thai massage moves on me. i heard my back crack about 10 times which scared me a little. it honestly sounded like she broke my back but it felt awesome after. i said thank you and sprinted to the bathroom.

hands down, funniest spa experience ever.

Dinosaurs

Yesterday my little cousin gave me a silly putty manicure.

Then he started calling me Baobao-saurus because they apparently resemble dinosaur claws.

Strange obsessions

I haven’t been out to explore much these past few days so weird encounters have been somewhat limited.

Over the weekend, my mama took me to a spa. I got a facial and had my pores cleaned out. WITH A NEEDLE. I really don’t know how it’s done but HOLY GEEBUS did it hurt. I was tearing throughout the whole thing and just wanted it to be over. After my pore-cleansing routine, the lady tells me she was going to put a whitening mask on me. I told her no I can do without the skin-bleaching and asked for something else. She was a bit surprised but gave me another one for hydrating purposes instead (I think). But at the end of my session, she sneakily put some whitening makeup powder on my face without my consent! She said it was to cover up my bright red nose but I think she’s just obsessed with pale skin…like most Hongers. She even commented that I would look SO much prettier if only I had lighter skin. Ouch. I doubt she meant it in a rude way but wow what a silly lady. Oh she was also strangely obsessed with my hair because she’s never seen somebody with such thick and voluminous hair. She starts running her fingers through it and just kept saying “WAAAAH” in disbelief.  Then she calls out for this other esthetician to come see my hair. Lady #2 proceeds to freak out about my hair as well. Man it was so weird.

On a similar note, the other day I woke up and the first thing my mom told me was that I should get rid of my right-cheek mole. She said if I didn’t it would affect my love life in the future. I told her no because I didn’t think my tiny mole could possess such powers. Why is my mama so weird???

Hongers are obsessed with the strangest things.

Nothing too exciting

Went out for dinner and drinks with my friend Julie in Lan Kwai Fong – a pub/bar area in the financial district. Forgot it was a Friday night so the streets were packed with drunken expats and business people by 10pm. Didn’t witness anything too alarming during my time out. Though I did see a 50 year old woman wearing a t-shirt saying “make out with me” on my way out today. Pretty bold statement if you ask me.

On my way home, I got stopped by the concierge. Had to convince him that I really lived here and wasn’t trying to break in or something.

Got home, took a shower. Turns out mom bought new body wash.

Apparently it helps you lose weight. How? I have no idea.

Jet lag is kicking in, time for bed time!!!!

Short and sweet

Day 3:

I was in the change room today with my sister trying on some pants. Everything was fine and dandy until the person in the next stall lets out the loudest and fiercest fart I’ve ever heard in public. At first, I though I heard wrong because I couldn’t believe somebody would actually do that in a store change room….that was separated with curtains. As I was taking in the reality of it all, a second insanely dragged fart was released. By this point my sister and I were laughing hysterically and were practically rolling on the floor.

It was unbelievable. But obviously the highlight of my day.

Lost in Translation

Day 2:

Yesterday my mom told me to meet her for afternoon tea at a hotel where she was hosting a company event. Although she gave me step by step directions on the phone about how to get to the place, I still got lost. By the time I got to the hotel, I was sweating bullets because I spent so much time walking in circles in the hot and humid heat. Ignoring my gross and sweaty state, my mom decides to take me around the room and introduces me to all her clients one by one. Turns out that every single client of hers speak only Mandarin (not my forte) so a lot of questions were asked and… unanswered. All I could do really was nod and smile awkwardly. That moment reminded me a bit of my days in Peru actually. And Chicoutimi. Seems like a recurring theme in my life.

After that strange meet and greet session, it was time for my adventure home. In short, I got lost again. I hadn’t realized that a new subway line had been built in recent years so I blindly hopped onto the new route. I ended up wasting so much money by the end of the day because I had to transfer from subway to two other buses in order to get home.

It’s strange feeling like a total tourist in the city I grew up in.

WAAAH!

It’s been three days since my return to Hong Kong and already I have some hilarious encounters. As a result, I’ve decided that the best way to document them is through a blog.

DAY 1:

So the first encounter happened within the 1st hour of being back in the city. After my mom and sister met up with me at the airport, we hailed a cab to take us home.  Little did we know that this cabbie man was one angry man. We discovered this when my sister asked the cab driver politely if he could slow down because he was speeding a bit. My sister was recently in a cab accident so she had every reason to request this. However, the cab man took offense to this and refused to slow down because he didn’t think he was speeding. Right after this, my mom stepped in and started yelling at the cab driver for being inconsiderate. The conversation quickly escalated into an INTENSE argument between the driver and my mom (a very impatient lady). Several Cantonese swear words were thrown at my mom which made her angrier. So then I tried to mediate the situation and told my mom to calm down in English. But I guess the cab man just took this as another chance to insult us and called me a half-breed. My mom counters this by calling him uneducated and saying it’s not a crime to know more than one language. Then she proceeds to hold the rest of the argument in Cantonese, Mandarin and English. Anyway, by now we’ve reached the entrance of our condo and the guy is still blabbering on while my mom is trying to pay him. He is still going on and on trying to insult us more. My mom ends up calling the security guard at the front desk. The security guard comes out and asks the driver to hurry up and get out of here. The driver yells that he has every right to park his car here because this is Hong Kong! Unfortunately for him, he was parking on private property. He ended up throwing my mom her change and as he was driving away he rolls down his window and shouts, “GO BACK TO CANADA!!”

Conclusion of this story:  My mom is awesome.